At least we're not america

Funny parody of popular kids television show Playschool by Sammy J for political commentary.

There we go Barnaby-dumpty. “Ain’t no party like a National party”
Hello, I’m Sammy. This feels a bit naughty doesn’t it, being up this late. But Mummy and Daddy are drinking their special apple juice and uncle Derrick is giving the toilet a big cuddle. And I just can’t sleep because I’m so excited the year is about to end. We learnt a lot of new words this year, didn’t we: brexit, ScoMo, unpresidential. But hang on, is it the new year yet? Let’s take a look at the clock and find out.

Well the big hand is pointing to disaffected white male voters and the little hand is pointing at the end of civilization as we know it. So that means it’s . . . still 2016. Well while we’re waiting we can make our new years resolutions. A resolution is just like a promise, but it’s better than a promise cause you don’t have to keep it, isn’t that right guys. But broken promises can make you feel bit sad, can’t they. Like when mummy and daddy promised there’s no one in the world more special than you, then your little baby brother Barry came along and your little baby Barry gets to have a bubble bath, but who gets all the bubbles in the bubble bath? your little baby Barry. But don’t worry I know a song we can sing whenever we’re feeling a little bit down.

(song) When you feel down and out, like your problems are too big, like they cancelled Peppa Pig. Don’t give up, remember there’s something you can do, Mum and Dad can try it too. Just sing this song when you feel blue.

Put your hands up and clap and say “At least we’re not America” When you feel sad. Say “At least we’re not America” and things won’t feel so bad.

Sure we got problems too. Our mining boom is through and you’ll never own a house unless your Dad buys one for you. We trust no one, so the terrorists have won. Which is better than our cricketers have done.

But At least we’re not America. We might be screwed but at least we’re not America, so show some gratitude.

(spoken) Feels better doesn’t it. You can sing this song no matter what country your in. Maybe your in France and your upset about religious freedom. Maybe your in Canada and your upset about Celine Dion. Maybe your in England and your upset about being in England. But it could be worse.

(song) Just put your hands up and clap and say “At least we’re not America” so things are looking grand because we’re not America so grab your pussy by the hand and sing we’re not America, so how bad can things get? because we’re not America, I’m sure we’re not America, at least we’re not America, yet.

(spoken) Happy New year.

source: iview and Sammy J

Playground Insults with Jennifer Lawrence and Chris Pratt

Jennifer Lawrence and Chris Pratt have been touring together to promote their new movie Passengers and exchange Playground Insults on Scott Mills’ radio show.

JL:You are so falsely strong, that if I was given the choice of you or your wife to protect me, I would choose Anna.
CP:Why to they call it joy?
JL:I really loved you in Everwood, said no one ever.
CP:I can’t think of anything bad about you.
JL:Stop don’t you psych me out.
CP:I like you so much, it’s a shame…
JL:Shut your mouth. Shut up. You are so stupid that your three year old son has probably taught you everything you know.
CP:it’s such a shame when you meet someone you thought you’d like.
JL:You are so dumb that I consciously make an effort not to use compound words or words more than three syllables.
CP:How does it feel being in the worst Marvel movie.
JL:You are so bad at acting the cast of Saved by the bell feel sorry for you.
CP:I recently told you that you act like Adele sings. I hate Adele.
JL:Where do you keep your Oscar?
CP:You were given an Oscar for Best Actress, you would also get one for being the worst. Think I just lost 20 points on that one, you really got me on the ropes.
JL:You are such a bad guy. I don’t have anything. Your beard is so thin… oh I can’t talk about my pubes. You are so old that your publicist is probably a registered nurse.
CP:You have so much fake hair that if you commit a crime the CSI lab would probably convict some Ukrainian girl.
JL:Before our sex scene I took two Pepto-bismol.
CP:During our sex scene, I felt your dick rub into me.

source: BBC Radio 1