With all the talk at the moment about Donald Trump in the US Presidential primaries I thought I would bring you Snoop Dogg killing it at the Comedy Central roast of Donald Trump from 2011 when there was rumours he would announce to run for President.
Give it up for Seth MacFarlane, y’all.
Hey, yo, Seth, FYI.
Ain’t no n***** watching the cleveland show.
From me to you.
I know we’re here to roast Donald Trump, but, uh, I gotta give a shout out to my main man, Larry King, in the motherfuckin’ house.
Larry, you know how we is.
Larry is cool, but backstage, I handed him a joint, and he rubbed bengay into it.
We got Lisa Lampanelli in the house.
Now, let me tell you, Lisa is a stone cold freak.
Lisa fucked Larry King, Don King, Rodney King, and Billie Jean King in a Burger King bathroom.
I mean, this bitch loves to eat, for real.
If you want to fuck lisa doggy style, all you gotta do is put a bowl of food on the floor.
Lisa’s had so much sex with so many different brothers, we’ve even gave her rap names for her fat ass.
You gonna like this one, russell. Ton DMC.
Busta busta nut in your face.
And my favorite, snoop chili dog in your motherfuckin’ mouth.
You so fine.
Having sex with you would be like rolling up on someone.
You never hear me coming.
I walked past Marlee’s dressing room tonight when she was, uh, going over her lines, and it sounded like someone was clubbing a seal.
Look at your fine, little skinny ass sitting up there.
I roll blunts fatter than you, but you’ve been passed around a little bit more.
But right now, things are popping for Whitney, y’all.
Everybody in Hollywood is talking about her, and they all saying the same thing.
“I think that bitch gave me herpes”
This is an ugly business, man.
I mean, look at Jeff Ross.
He’s one ugly motherfucker.
Now, when Jeff was born, his mother shit during the delivery, and when she looked down, she thought she had twins.
That’s why he’s so corny.
Look at his droopy face, saggy skin, rubbery, wet lips.
If Jeff had a string hanging from his mouth, he’d look like Lisa’s pussy.
No, but seriously, though, I like Jeff, though.
You know why I like Jeff?
‘Cause he would do anything to get a laugh except say something funny.
I gotta say a few more things about my girl Snooki over there.
Oh, that ain’t Snooki?
Oh, my bad.
I’m sorry. All white people who act black look alike to me.
So, uh, the Situation’s a rapper now, huh?
Shit, I heard his rhymes.
The best thing you ever spit was Seth MacFarlane’s jizz-izzle.
Check out your hair, your shaved chest, your plucked eyebrows.
There used to be a word for guys like you, and that word was gay. I guess that’s still the word.
Hey, man, stop lifting your shirt up like a prison bitch, or else go out on the corner and get me some motherfuckin’ money before I go upside your head with this coat hanger.
Now, it’s time to talk about the real player; Don Juan, Donald Trump, the Donald.
Now, from me to you, Donald, I wish I had half of your money.
But for that, you need a 20-year-old’s pussy and a divorce lawyer.
Now, I may not have half his paper, but I got twice the dick, and you can believe that.
But on the real, though, I’d love to fuck one of Trump’s ex-wives just to know what it’s like to come into money.
Donald says he wants to run for, uh, president and move on into the white house.
It wouldn’t be the first time he pushed a black family out of their home.
But on the real, though.
Donald, you know I got love for you, man, and some real shit, and I ain’t playin’.
From one pimp to another, much respect.
Keep banking that scrilla, and after the show, come by my dressing room.
I got a couple 19-year-olds in there, some sticky icky icky, and I’ll get you so high that you’ll fire yourself and put my name on the motherfuckin’ towers.