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Rebel Wilson pokes fun at the Royals, Cats, Coronavirus, Gender inequity and herself when presenting Best Director in the 2020 British Academy of Film and Television Arts Awards.

Good evening distinguished guests … and those that don’t identify as that.

It is really um great to be here at the Royal Andrew ah ah Royal Harry no Royal ah this Royal Palace place.

Sorry I was just told backstage that no one is getting a massive giftbag tonight. Yep um instead, you’re all get a gifting wallet, which is funny because that’s also the nickname of my vagina. So maybe it is me that will win best original score at the after party tonight.

Now as Graham was saying tonight is all about sustainability, so, so I made this dress by sewing two old dresses together. The red is from that one time I didn’t win Miss Australia and the black is from a funeral I just went to … for the feature film Cats.

Cats, strangely not nominated for any awards. I’m not sure if everyone here is across the controversy but this year there has been a distinct lack nominations for felines. Yeah okay even in this Best Director Cat-agory, no felines have been nominated.

It’s really shocking, but at least I get to hold this BAFTA for a moment and wow what a great way to stop yourself from getting the coronavirus.

Sam Mendes, Martin Scorsese, Todd Phillips, Quentin Tarantino, Bong Joon Ho. I look at the exceptional, daring talent nominated in this category and I don’t think I could do what they do. Honestly I just don’t have the balls.

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Sacha Baron Cohen won a Golden Globe for Borat: Cultural Learnings of America for Make Benefit Glorious Nation of Kazakhstan. The same comedian that portrays Ali G.

He makes reference to the infamous scene of his co-star Ken Davitian’s two golden globes on his chin and a thank you to every American that has not sued him.

Here is a transcript of the speech:

Warren? Where is he? It’s ‘wha-wha-we-wha.’

I want to thank the Hollywood Foreign Press. And I just want to say that this movie was a life-changing experience. I saw some amazing, beautiful, invigorating parts of America. But I saw some dark parts of America, an ugly side of America. A side of America that rarely sees the light of day.

I refer, of course, to the anus and testicles of my co-star, Ken Davitian. (Aud laughs as the camera finds Davitian shrugging and raising a wine glass to Cohen.) Ken, when I was in that scene and I stared down and saw your two wrinkled golden globes on my chin, I thought to myself, ‘I better win a bloody award for this.’

And then when my 300-pound co-star decided to sit on my face and squeeze the oxygen from my lungs, I was faced with a choice: Death or to breathe in the air that had been trapped in a small pocket between his buttocks for 30 years.

Kenneth, if it was not for that rancid bubble, I would not be here today.

(Music starts as Cohen holds up Globe gesturing to Davitian. He starts rushing through the rest.)

Thank you to Larry Charles, thank you to Jay Roach, thank you to Isla Fisher, my fiancee. Thank you to Peter Baynham, Anthony Hines and Dan Mazer; thank you to Ari Emanuel; Matt Labov; Erran Baron Cohen, my brother who did the music; and to Jason Alper and (unintelligible due to swelling music). And thank you to every American who has not sued me so far. Thank you.”

source: Golden Globe Awards